Category Archives: Vivika’s Musings

Vivika's Musings

Conspiracy to theorise

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There are a lot of conspiracy theories out there. Some of them are completely outlandish. Some of them at least sound like they hold an element of truth. What interests me most about it is getting a glimpse into what shapes people’s beliefs.

The first outlandish one that comes to mind is ‘flat earth’. I trained as a scientist so whilst I like to believe in the fantastical, I do have to some logic in the world around me. Logic directs me to the scientific evidence that the world is not flat.

A more recent one that was and probably still is widespread (no pun intended) is theories surrounding COVID19. A global pandemic is an experience I never thought I would have in my lifetime but in 2020 the entire world shut down. In this instance theories started to arise because people were frightened. Many were dying. We were being told to stay in our homes. Shop shelves were empty. It was a horrendous experience and terribly frightening. That collective concern culminated in the belief that we weren’t being told everything. People were frightened and they were looking to try to garner some kind of understanding and through this theories starting forming. Some were ridiculous (it was a hoax set up to gain control and instill a new world order.) Some were frighteningly real sounding (it was a bioengineered weapon).

In this era of modern technology there are unprecedented opportunties to share these theories. The realism AI can provide means that misinformation floods everywhere. When I was gathering my thoughts for this blog I was hesitant to research conspiracy theories online. Who knows were my algorithm would take me. It’s already wild enough researching for thriller books.

There are so many conspiracy theories, I’d be here all day going through them all. I wanted to open the discussion on them though.

Do you have any theories that are considered conspiracies that you truly believe in? If so, what shaped that belief? No arguments necessary. No debates just looking to understand.

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Vivika's Musings

Oh, the horror!

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One thing I find quite common in fans of horror like myself is we were exposed to the genre from an early age. For some this was an exciting experience. For others, myself included, it was – not to put too fine a point it – horrifying.

Poltergeist, IT (the original series with Tim Curry) and Child’s play were just some of the movies I saw when I was arguably way too young. I was always an imaginative child so the scenes these movies presented, as corny as they may be now, played on my mind and formed lifelong phobias. Those lifelong phobias, I just happened to turn into a career.

Lets start with Pennywise. Released in the early nineties I was still in primary school when I first saw it. What stuck out most to me was the vibrancy of Pennywise’s red hair. It stood out to me against the duller, New England backdrop. The colours made him more eyecatching, more threatening. Even as a youngster I never saw clowns as anything less than nightmre fuel.

Then there was Chucky. The doll possessed with the spirit of an evil man. Another red head. As an imaginative kid with little to no real friends toys, stuffed animals and dolls were my most treasured companions. To see what a doll was capable of doing, at least by movie standards, was horrifying.

Cut to several decades later and I find myself still lost in that imagination. I do still have treasured toys and dolls, Pennywise and Chucky being one of them. I also sport vibrant (yes you guessed it) red hair. I knew there were some correlations between how my approach to creativity was shaped by these old horror movies as a child. However, it wasn’t until I started to write this blog I began to realise just how much.

The villainy, the vibrancy, the outldandish plots and the reactions from viewers were something that became embedded in my ambition. I came to enjoy writing material that made a reader shriek, gasp or become unsettled. I could have written happy little stories with lovely endings. I ask though, were would be the fun in that!?

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Vivika's Musings

EH!

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In my younger years I had the pleasure of seeing a lot of live music in my adopted home of Dundee. After a fifteen-year hiatus I paid a visit to the old venue known as ‘The Doghouse’. It was like nothing had changed. There were the same thrills. It was like no time had passed at all.

Before I get to that, first I’d like to mention Lexi Campbell, an amazing individual who I never had the pleasure of meeting. With their passing, a legacy of music behind. Mental health issues are something that can affect all of us, so Lexi’s family and friends made it a mission to raise awareness, supporting some amazing charities at the same time. The Lexfest event was something to be proud of. It was what drew us all back together after such a long time and I was glad to be able to enjoy the music that was provided.

Returning to my own experiences, fifteen years ago, on the music scene was an amazing band called EH! Their unapologetic presence on stage made them a standout. Ian, Sean, Paul and Andy had an excellent mash of indie and classic rock sounds. They had a vibe that was always captivating.

Image Credit: Tracey Stewart Thompson

That was then. In more recent times, things had gone quiet. People mature. Priorities change. Life gets in the way. Then recently word got out that they would be coming back together in support of Lexfest and some wonderful causes. Fifteen years is a long time. Many rehearsals would have to take place to see what still worked. Would they even be able to mesh again? Would it be the same with so many changes on the scene?

During the weeks prior to the gig, I found myself waking up most mornings humming the tunes like I did back then. I was excited to see it all again. I just couldn’t wait to recapture those moments.

The boys took to the stage after the long absence. I took a spot front and centre in the audience. The drums, the bass, the guitars and the bold vocals erupted. It was like they had returned home. They were exactly where they belonged. I had my young niece in my company, and even the younger generation found themselves absorbed.

Image credit: Kirsten Connelly

The music was incredible. They even introduced a new song, ‘Money don’t grow on trees’, which rang with poetry and held such power in the soft melody. I decided there and then it was my new favourite.

I know there were nerves all round within the band. They needn’t have fretted. Music touches the soul in a way nothing else does. It’s never gone. It is an entity that has tremendous power. It reunited us with old friends (missed you so much, Tracey!). It brought us together after all those years. As Ian would say, we formed a ‘wee community’.

I saw the good it did for Paul to get back to those drums again. Andy, you strive for perfection on that bass, and that’s the name of the game. From a fan though, I don’t think you realise how talented you are. Sean, I’ve never known anyone personally who can handle the guitar the way you do. It never ceases to amaze me. Finally, Iain, I missed your poetic spirit. You have an affectionate confidence that most of us can only aspire to.

It was great seeing EH! back on stage again. I look forward to gathering for the love of music all over again!

Main Image credit: Kirsten Connelly

For more information on Lexi:

https://www.thecourier.co.uk/fp/opinion/3212120/amie-flett-lexi-campbell-legacy/

Vivika's Musings

My Mistake

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There are so many platitudes that can start this off.

“We all make mistakes.”

My favourite is:

“To never make mistakes is to never learn.”

We’re only human at the end of the day. I wanted to take a look at those platitudes and consider the mistakes I’ve made in my own life. Some have been silly, others have had much more dire consequences.

I’m a clumsy mess some days. I’m a mixed bag of efficient, logical thinking and ham-handed to the point of sitcom humour. I can also be scatterbrained and yet suprisingly strong for my stature. With that kind of make up, mistakes are inevitable.

I’m not just talking about knocking the coffee mug off the counter. I’m talking about mistakes that run a little deeper. Trusting the wrong person, refusing to take care of yourself properly or even taking an easier route out of a sticky situation that makes matters worse. I think we’re all guilty of those in our lives. If you haven’t been, then I wish you the best and may that never come to you.

I was asking myself, just the other day, what the biggest mistake I ever made was. I was unable to pick one. We lose count of the amount of times we have gone wrong in life. The thing about mistakes is even if they seem so daunting at the time, upon reflection they are so much easier to wrap your head around. Yes, you may have trusted the wrong person. That person isn’t in your life anymore. They now stand as a memory. You drank too much, ate to much of the wrong food. You maybe even took substances you knew you shouldn’t. If you’re realising this now, then that means the mistake has been made and you have time to heal. You chose the easy way out. Maybe you left a friend in the lurch to protect your yourself. Maybe guilt even eats at you as you think about it. That guilt, is a sign of learning. You know it was a mistake.

Mistakes truly are something we can all learn from. None of us are the same person we were even just a month ago. We are always growing, learning, making mistakes and recovering. The most beautiful thing about the human spirit is it’s capacity for adapting. We can and always will do better. Make no mistake about that!

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Vivika's Musings

Gym Bunny

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I’m going to begin this with a confession. I’m not the most graceful person. Thinking back, I never have been.

I won ‘Miss Personality of the Year’ back in the 90’s and that was for a majorettes competition. I had been so frog legged and entertaining in my attempts to throw a baton, the judges had decided I deserved a whole new accolade of my own.

I’m used to that. Despite my lack of grace and poise I do like to keep active. I cycle, walk and go to the gym. I’m in my late thirties and I’m only five foot tall. I still carry a bit too much weight for my height, despite that generally active lifestyle. Luck of the genes I guess.

I’m no stranger to the gym and as such I’m no stranger either to the enthusiasts that tend to reside there. The ‘lycra clad’ bunnies and ‘cut of sleeve’ bros spending more time on setting their phones to the right angles than actually working out. Uploading to Insta is their cardio.

Anyway, there’s me, following my usual routine – treadmill, rowing, bicycle. It makes no difference to me being amongst these people. It did get me thinking of those who may be a little more insecure in themselves than I am.

I read a few stories about some being gawked at the minimum and being completely ridiculed at the worst. Firstly, that is a terrible way to behave towards anyone. Secondly, If a person is overweight and struggling with health issues, isn’t the gym the right place to be?

Whenever I see someone who is heavy set, at the gym, my first thought is ‘well done’. They are going out of their way to improve their health and that is always admirable.

More than once, I have mentioned to friends and partners about going to the gym and they have replied, ‘but you look great.’

Whilst I appreciate the compliment, I remind them I don’t go to the gym for aesthetic reasons. I have heart issues and it does me good to keep active. Not only that it is good for my mental health. Muscles and trim bods are good and all, but happy and healthy is the most attractive no matter your natural size and shape.

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Vivika's Musings

Station Madness

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Over the years I have travelled on many buses, trains and other assorted public transports. I’ve had driving lessons. In fact, I had my first lesson at seventeen. It’s just something that fell down my list of priorities in my adulthood. I’ve always managed to find my way, even to the most obscure places anyway. Driving lessons were never something I felt was necessary. Using public transport so frequently does mean I’ve met some characters and had some adventures over the years.  

I’d like to discuss one of those adventures that happened to me quite recently. Take your seats, store your bags and have your tickets ready for inspection. Every other week I visit family in my home city – two buses, a train and another bus to get there. This even occurred on my return journey.  

The first bus of the day went by without much to report. That was until I realized I hadn’t booked the second bus. I had been so caught up in the weekend I decided I would book it on my way into town. As the first bus carries me into town I’m reminded my Apple Pay needs updated. I pull my purse from my bag and make the transaction. All good so far. The driver is a calm, considerate one too which makes a change. 

A random mix of pop, grunge, rock, classical and musical theater is blaring through my headphones as I step off at the station. I drag my case off and all is going according to plan. Little did I know, fate’s plans were different from mine. 

 The bus I booked won’t be for some time yet. I take a seat at a local restaurant to have lunch, I reach into my bag. It’s then I realise I’ve left my purse on the bus, sat on the seat beside me as I wander off, in my head, giving a rendition of ‘memories’ worthy of Broadway. 

Dragging my case back to the station I was inwardly praying to whatever deity would listen that I could get the purse back. It wasn’t far and I had only just left. If I ran fast, I could catch the bus before it left again. I’m no Usain Bolt. I’m no sprinter. Just a little over five foot tall and dragging a weekends worth of laundry with me I had all odds stacked against me.  

I got back to the station just as the bus pulled away. I asked at the customer service desk. They tell me my purse would be handed in to their depo lost and found. Where’s the depo? Across the river, practically on the other side of the city. This is all kinds of no use to me because I’m leaving the city completely on the bus I had taken the damn purse out to book in the first place.  

There was nothing I could do. I just had to deal with the matter the next time I was in town. I had to update my phone so I could use Apple Pay. No harm. No drama.  

I click updates.  

My phone so kindly informs me that because I had waited so long for these updates, they were going to take hours to complete. What can I do but settle down and wait it out? Maybe it will get faster as time goes on. Wishful thinking, I know, but I am an optimist.  

The bus starts to queue. Like a good British person, I join the other passengers and wait to board. What’s the problem with that, you ask? My ticket is on my phone and it’s still updating. There I am at the bus terminus having to empty my laundry out to find my laptop – the only other access to email I would have at that point.  

Finally I sit down.  

YOUR UPDATES ARE COMPLETE. 

Yes, thank you very much. Just get me home!  

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Vivika's Musings

Learning to Fly

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I was lucky enough to have been diagnosed with Turner’s syndrome as a. newborn. There are a lot of other TS women and girls who haven’t received their diagnosis until later in life. This can be detrimental to your health as underlying problems with the kidney, heart etc go unnoticed and untreated.

Despite having known all my life and having paid the multiple hospital visits over the years I never really had much of an opportunity to meet others who shared my experiences.

In 2013, I decided that I wanted to do what I could to help other women and girls who might feel alone and need a some support away from doctor’s waiting rooms and large conferences. I set up a blog where I could share my TS story and give others the opportunity to tell their own in their own words.

My first novel had just been released that September and whilst I was thrilled to be living a lifelong dream, I still had a lot of passion for my little blog.

Soon after, RAGDOLLS UK, was established. The blog grew and to this day I am proud of all those across the UK who have joined our story, continue to support and make every minute spent continuing to reach out to TS girls, worth it.

If you haven’t heard of Turner’s syndrome, that’s no surprise. There are still so many, including medical professionals, who aren’t fully aware of it. If you want more info head on over to the link above and immerse yourself in the stories of some of the most amazing, inspirational women I’ve ever met.

Vivika's Musings

My Favourite Character

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Whether it’s books or movies we love characters for different reasons. Sometimes we love them because the represent everything that we admire. Sometimes we loath them so much we love to see them on screen because it specifically garners a reaction. The specific traits, looks and morals these characters are written with embed such memorable moments in our minds.

So what makes the character stand out? First and foremost the dialogue they have is interesting and engaging. An example of this would be Orlenna Tyrell on the Game of Thrones series. She became a popular character because she had great words to share. Together with the fact it was terrifically performed she was a stand out. Which brings me to my next point.

The performance of an actor in the role of that character does wonders for that character becoming a fan favourite. Find yourself a much loved part and cast a hunky model in the role and you’ve got a winner.

As an avid reader characterisation is important. Personally I enjoy characters that would be considered villains. Their lack of moral boundaries Is what I find interesting to follow. Who knows what they will do next!

What’s your favourite character? What traits tend to make your favourite character?

Vivika's Musings

What inspires me?

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We all take inspiration from different things. Sometimes it can be grand visions like the wonders of the world or the imaginings of what lies at the far reaches of our galaxy. Sometimes it can be the simpler things such as how a message from someone close to you made you smile.

What is most important about inspiration is (to put it plainly) what it inspires you to do. Some say I can be quite the macabre sort and I’m going to give credence to that by mentioning the fact that sometimes people are inspired to do terrible things. Horror movies and gore have often been quoted as inspiration for terrible acts. I dare say that has been true in some cases.

Inspiration overall is a wonderful thing. We have been inspired to create great works of art, to build the most beautiful music or to step up and help each other. To me, what inspiration is, underneath it all, is that stirring we all feel to want make a difference.

What have been some of your inspirations? Where do you look for that stirring?

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Vivika's Musings

What bothers me …

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I’m sure there are lots of things we could each pick out that we consider to be bothersome. Some days you’ll feel like nothing will be able to shake you and on others you will find everything to be an irritant. However, what I’m looking at here is the grander scale. I’m thinking about those things that require effort to change.

I was recently having a chat with some readers and they were discussing characters of mine who they found completely abhorrent. As an author this is great news. Whether it’s the good, the bad of the ugly you always want to get a reaction from your reader. I have written characters that have done some of the most despicable things. Was it the torture? Was it the cold blooded murder? Was it the ruthless ambition? Nope. It was casual racism that crowned the most horrific.

It made me realise, racism, sexism and many other isms and phobias are what bothers me. Writing characters with these horrible traits is my way of showing readers how ridiculous it sounds. It’s farcical most times and it demonstrates how little respect I offer people with these kinds of views. The characters I instill with these traits will either learn their lesson eventually or will be sorry they didn’t (no spoilers).

It’s one think I would like to change in this world and it is something that bothers me a great deal. Why someone should be judged on race, colour, sexuality, gender identity just completely baffles me when there are far more important things we could be working on. I hate to hear these kind of views. I was in a shop just the other day when a man behind me started yelling about some franchise owners being anti catholic, how he hated bigots and they should all be taken out and shot. Nothing provoked this comment. We weren’t even in the shop he was referring to. He didn’t seem to see the irony of his statement about hating bigots being, well, highly bigoted in its sentiment. Take them out and shoot them? What does that solve?

Unfortunately I can’t delete this kind of sentiment from the world. What I can do is point out how ridiculous it sounds when I hear it. The man in the shop was a little taken aback when no one took him up on his views and I myself laughed at how ridiculous he sounded. Maybe next time he will think twice before puffing his chest out and spout hatred. If he truly believes some corporation is anti catholic then form a picket line, submit your complaints or boycott the damn shop. In the meantime I’ll continue to air these frustrations through fiction.

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