A play by Vivika Widow
©VivikaWidow2025
Cast
Lawyer (m or f): A legal representative tasked with reading a last will and
testament.
Hanz (m): An unscrupulous, old circus performer. A lifelong con man
who is looking to see what he can gain from his brother’s
death.
Location
A lawyer’s office.
Time
Takes place in an unknown time, but with some modern styling.
SETTING: A small office.
AT RISE: A rugged looking man, HANZ, is taking a seat. He holds an old torn hat in his hands. LAWYER has some papers set before them.
[LAWYER eyes HANZ suspiciously, adjusting their expressionto a more cordial one as the meeting commences.]
LAWYER
Thanks for coming down, Mr Stoker. My deepest condolences on the
loss of your brother.
HANZ
[Sobbing, seeming completely insincere.]
My baby brother! My one and only baby brother. I just can’t believe he is gone.
[Covers his face with his hands, taking a discrete peek from between his fingers.]
He left some bunce for me then, did he?
LAWYER
Bunce?
HANZ
Money, mucker. Money! Cold hard cash.
LAWYER
Ah, yes. It would seem your brother was quite wealthy in the end.
HANZ
In the end … Isn’t that always the way? We spent most of lives without a brass farthing to our names, you know. We grew up dirt poor, real stinking poor. We were bottom of the barrel scum. I knew my baby brother would make something of himself. He was my only family.
LAWYER
It says here you have a sister.
HANZ
I meant my only brother. I looked after Adrien from the moment he was born. I looked after him from the very second he slipped from our mother’s … errr arms. He would always tell me how much he loved me and admired me. Now he’s going to take good care of his brother.
[Starts to sob, clearly putting on an act.]
LAWYER
Sure. Let’s proceed, shall we? Adrien was quite wealthy.
HANZ
[immediately ceasing sobbing]
Just how wealthy are we talking?
LAWYER
He had accrued quite a substantial estate.
HANZ
In the entire history of the Stoker family, we had never accrued
substantial anything, especially estates. We are circus people.
We live in tents.
LAWYER
I’ll start with the circus. Adrien has stated he would like control of the circus to be divided equally between his three sons.
HANZ
[Rolls his eyes.]
They’ll be thrilled. Can we just get to the part where you tell me what I’m getting in bunce and pence? How much has Adrien decided to leave for me?
LAWYER
[Gives HANZ another suspicious look before returning to their paperwork.]
Yes, quite. The reason I called you is because Adrien named you as the executor of his last will and testament.
HANZ
What does that mean?
LAWYER
It means he would like you to be the one to take care of his final wishes.
HANZ
And how much do I get for that?
LAWYER
[Raises an eyebrow.]
Let me go through the details.
[Checks the paperwork.]
At final calculation, Adrien Stoker, Circus performer, father of three …
HANZ
[Interjecting]
Beloved brother.
LAWYER
… Beloved brother … Left behind a fortune of forty million.
HANZ
Say that again …
LAWYER
Forty million.
HANZ
From the top. With the forty and the million.
LAWYER
Forty million.
HANZ
Forty million! Forty …
[Corrects himself and assumes a more morose air. Clearly
feigned.]
I mean all the money in the world won’t bring my precious baby brother back.
LAWYER
No. It won’t.
HANZ
I might as well make the most of it. Adrien would insist.
LAWYER
How about we just look at what Adrien would insist, shall we? May I read his statement?
HANZ
[Lost in a dream of being rich, he stirs realising LAWYER
is still watching him.]
Go ahead.
LAWYER
[Taking a document and reading from it.]
I, Adrien Stoker, hereby decree that my circus be divided
between my three sons …
HANZ
[Scoffs.]
That’s all nice. We know that. The boys get cruddy old circus tents. Good for them. Can we get to the part where he ‘decrees’ or whatever that forty mil into my hands? It’s a lot of money.
I’m going to need some new rich man togs. I’m going to live in a house! An actual house. I might get servants. I’m going to have servants specifically to shine my silver plates.
LAWYER
The circus must do well. Adrien has made himself quite a bit of money from it.
HANZ
Have you seen our circus?
LAWYER
No.
HANZ
It couldn’t have come from that, let me tell you.
LAWYER
Where did it come from?
HANZ
How should I know? He had a lot of rich ladies in his life. They took care of him and now he’s going to take care of his big brother. What an angel!
LAWYER
[Glancing back at the document. They seem unsure.]
I had best read on … I, Adrien Stoker, hereby bequeath all funds to Madame Poffy.
HANZ
Who the Hell is Madame Poffy!? Some old tart?
LAWYER
It’s not a person. It’s a foundation.
HANZ
What kind of foundation?
LAWYER
A charity.
HANZ
[Almost chokes on his words.]
A charity! Are you telling me my little brother, who I have loved from the cradle, had a forty million fortune and instead of helping his old mucker out, he wants to give it to charity!? What kind of charity?
LAWYER
Cats.
HANZ
Cats!
LAWYER
Homeless cats to be specific. He must have really loved cats.
HANZ
He hated the damn things. All forty million?
LAWYER
Every single penny.
[HANZ rises to his feet. He drops the hat and snatches the lawyer by the collar.]
HANZ
Why did you call me here?
LAWYER
Because it was your brother’s last request that you be the one to hand over the money to the foundation.
HANZ
Was it? Trying to get the last laugh, was he? Never going to happen mucker. You take your pen and write on that piece of paper that that fortune is mine.
LAWYER
That’s not how it works.
HANZ
I will have that fortune if it’s the last thing I do. It belongs to me. My fortune will not be given away to damn cats! He’s a fool. I always told him he was a fool. He said teh fool always get the last laugh. Not this time! This is not over.
[Lets LAWYER go and departs. LAWYER picks up the phone and
dials, giving a brief pause as though waiting on someone to
answer].
LAWYER
Yes, Adrien. He bought it. Yes, thinks you are stone, cold, dead. No, he didn’t ask.
[Pauses as though listening to the caller on the other end.]
Well, he was quite upset. Yes, forty mil.
[Gives another brief pause.]
Quite an elaborate scheme sir. Yes, I told him stray cats.
[Laughs.]
A guess the fool does always get the last laugh.
CURTAIN
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