All posts by Vivika Widow

Author, playwright and founder of the Ragdolls UK foundation who support children and young adults suffering from genetic disorders. Visit www.vivikawidow.com for more info

The Ten Commandments of Coldford

Thou shall not worship false Gods

It’s common in Coldford for those in power to behave like Gods. It’s up to you to decide which ones are false and which ones are truly worth following.

Thou shall not make yourself an idol

Speaking of those who claim to be Gods, there are those who decide upon themselves to seize influence in the city. Should they be worshipped? Probably not.

Thou shall not use the Lord’s name in vain

With a melting pot of cultures in the city that have come from all over, you have to be careful with which God’s name you utter.

Keep the Sabbath day Holy

Whether it’s stopping all the madness and violence for a day at the football, or respectfully allowing a funeral procession through without throwing petrol bombs at it, Coldford City knows how to keep special days.

Honour your father and mother

Treat your mother like a queen. That’s easy to do when you are literal royalty. When you’re mother isn’t quite the shining emblem with a crown, and perhaps even wishes to sell you to traffickers, this isn’t the easiest commandment to follow.

Thou shall not kill

This is the one that is proabably failed the most in the Shady City. Sometimes the only route to satisfaction is to end the life of an enemy.

Thou shall not comit adultery

Finding true connections in Coldford is not easy. People need a spouse they can trust and they are few and far between.

Thou shall not steal

Whether it’s money, a child, an opportunity, it’s wise to pay attention to what you steal and who you are stealing it from.

Thou shall not bear false witness

We all know it can be easier to point the finger sometimes, when the shit hits the fan. You may even get the chance to throw some accusations on someone who’s been a real crick in your plans. They deserve it, don’t they?

Be careful of lies and deciet. No one is good enough to escape that Coldford karma.

Thou shall not covet

Things are desparate. When things are desparate it can be easy to compare to everyone else. They have more wealth. They have more influence. They have more of everything. Be content with your own, because that jealousy can lead to you breaking all those commandments at one.


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Dalway Lane Gallery

Location: City Main

Features in: MUSE ; HARBOUR HOUSE ; KNOCK KNOCK

The city’s most well known art gallery holds the finest art from all around the known world. Owned by partners Harper Lane and Gabrielle Dalway it is well respected. It is considered an excellent achievement for any artist to be exhibited there. With it’s close connection to the PENN AUCTION HOUSE, the prestige of the gallery cannot be argued with.

The gallery holds paintings from one of Coldford’s local artists, DAVID FINN. Despite his troubles, his time in rehab and his clash with Harper Lane, his work is still considered fiere, challenging and an absolute must for collectors.

Dalway Lane gallery deals in fine arts. Behind the beautiful sculptures and astonishing paintings lies a painful story that needs to be told. Isn’t that what the best art does, though?


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Conspiracy to theorise

There are a lot of conspiracy theories out there. Some of them are completely outlandish. Some of them at least sound like they hold an element of truth. What interests me most about it is getting a glimpse into what shapes people’s beliefs.

The first outlandish one that comes to mind is ‘flat earth’. I trained as a scientist so whilst I like to believe in the fantastical, I do have to some logic in the world around me. Logic directs me to the scientific evidence that the world is not flat.

A more recent one that was and probably still is widespread (no pun intended) is theories surrounding COVID19. A global pandemic is an experience I never thought I would have in my lifetime but in 2020 the entire world shut down. In this instance theories started to arise because people were frightened. Many were dying. We were being told to stay in our homes. Shop shelves were empty. It was a horrendous experience and terribly frightening. That collective concern culminated in the belief that we weren’t being told everything. People were frightened and they were looking to try to garner some kind of understanding and through this theories starting forming. Some were ridiculous (it was a hoax set up to gain control and instill a new world order.) Some were frighteningly real sounding (it was a bioengineered weapon).

In this era of modern technology there are unprecedented opportunties to share these theories. The realism AI can provide means that misinformation floods everywhere. When I was gathering my thoughts for this blog I was hesitant to research conspiracy theories online. Who knows were my algorithm would take me. It’s already wild enough researching for thriller books.

There are so many conspiracy theories, I’d be here all day going through them all. I wanted to open the discussion on them though.

Do you have any theories that are considered conspiracies that you truly believe in? If so, what shaped that belief? No arguments necessary. No debates just looking to understand.


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Stoker Circus on Parade

“Alright everyone, listen up!” Irvine Stoker, ringmaster of Stoker Circus called to his troupe who had gathered inside their Big Top tent set up in Allford, just outside their carnival. “It’s that time of year again. The best time of the year. It’s garden party season and that means billionaire bunce! First up we have Beckingridge Manor. We just need a small troupe so who’s going to make the cut?”  

His brother’s, Valdrick and Felix were on either side of him. Felix seemed to be making his own assessments and completely disregarding anything his brother was saying. Val was wondering how it came to be that Irvine was making the calls when he was the eldest and it was rightfully his place. Irvine scrutinised his performers closely.  

“Word is, Ernie Beckingridge loves clowns so Olga and Cyril, you guys are in.” 

“Yey!” Olga and Cyril clutched each other and leapt up and down with excitement.  

Continuing to pick his crew Irvine said, “we need a good headlining act. We need a real showstopper. We need something people are going to really want to throw bunce at.”  

The trapeezy easy’s, Errol and Ethel, stood side by side, an arm around each other’s shoulders, with expectant looks on their faces. They had been headlining Stoker acts for a while, they were real Big Top sensations.  

“Easys?” said Irivine.  

“Yeah …” they grinned.  

“You’re out.”  

Their expressions fell. “What? Why?” 

Irvine folded their arms and raised his eyebrows. “Because you’re always up there, swinging around, showing off. Quite frankly you make the rest of us look bad. Until you’re ready to be team players you’re out.”  

Val took over. “Besides. We heard you’ve been taking sponsorships elsewhere.”  

Both Easys scowled and lowered their heads.   

Irvine was pulled back as Gretel climbed up his back. He threw her from his shoulder, landing her on the Big Top floor with a hiss.  

“Not you, Gretel. We will not be taking any freaks. George Beckingridge is freak enough. That means you’re out too Heidi.”  

Lizard woman Heidi, who also happened to be Irvine’s wife rasped her fork tongue at him causing him to step back and push Val forward.   

“You’re doing it all wrong!” cried an old man in a wheelchair watching on.  

Irvine rolled his eyes. Felix was still focused on his own plans.  

It was Val that called back. “No one asked you, Hanz.” 

Hanz Stoker grumbled something under his breath, adjusting the blanket over his lap. The only reason he had come down to Allford was because he knew it was garden party season and he suddenly felt the need to spend some time with his family. The nurses obliged. His nephews dismissed him so he continued to observe.  

Felix finally spoke up, “what about some animal acts? The animal acts are great for garden parties.”  

Both Irvine and Val looked to their little brother.  

“We have lion tamer without a lion, the doves were put into the hat last year and they haven’t been seen since and the donkeys completely refuse to do dressage,” explained Irvine impatiently.  

“Then we get proper dressage horses,” was Felix’s suggestion.  

Val looked at him like he had spoken a different language. Irvine looked like he wanted to slap him.   

“Are you going to talk to the Stanis and get us some of those golden horses? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to pinch from a bloody Stani? You want to try and steal a golden horse from under them, grow up Felix,” Irvine griped. 

Felix shook his head. Then he gave it some more thought. “Why are you the one making the decisions when Val is the eldest?”  

Val turned to Irvine. “That’s a good point. Who put you in charge?”  

Never one to be backed into a corner, Irvine looked between his brothers and said, “because, Adrien, our dear father, said to me, he said, ‘Irvine, my most goodest boy. When I’m gone all of this will be yours’ he was indicating the circus. ‘I want you to take charge of everything. Valdrick doesn’t have the head for it and Felix just drools a lot – you were a baby at the time. That’s what he said.” 

“No he didn’t!” Hanz called from his wheelchair.  

Irvine turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “Aren’t you just full of opinions no one asked for.”  

“Adrien did not say that,” Hanz maintained.  

“And that’s your opinion.”  

“I’ll take the headlining spot,” Felix stated with confidence. “My act always goes down well.”  

“Knives? Throwing knives at Beckingridge manor with Elizabeth around?” Val put to him. “Actually that might not be such a bad idea. Elizabeth gets a knife to the skull one of the other Beckingridges are bound to give us a huge tip.” 

“Good point,” Irvine agreed. “You do have some good ideas every now and again Val.”  

“That’s not a good idea,” the youngest brother corrected. 

Irvine placed his hands on his hips and stuck his chin out. “I know your game. You are just trying to push us out. Can you believe that Val? Our own brother is trying to push us out.”  

Maintaining eye contact with Irvine, Felix said, “we could use a juggling act too. those are always great for garden parties.”  

Val beamed. He wrapped an arm around Felix. Now the both of them were assessing Irvine. Irvine was aghast. “Fine! Fine! You want to play favourites? Then let’s play favourites.”  

“You’re doing it all wrong!” Hanz called from his wheelchair again. “The Beckingridges are old money. If you want to impress them you need a an old school act.”  

“Is that you then Hanz?” Val asked, his tones dripping with sarcasm. “You can barely walk the length of yourself and you expect to climb up on your stilts?”  

Hanz grumbled again and waved them off with a sneer.  

“We can use juggling, knives and whatever it is that Irvine does,” Felix suggested. “We split the takings between us. If we do a good job we can make enough off the Beckingridge’s to see us through the winter.” 

“Share?” Val and Irvine asked together. Irvine felt a little bile in the throat at the idea. Then they hesitantly agreed.  

“Sure, Felix. We’ll share.”  

Neither had any intention of sharing which I’m sure you can gather by now, dear readers. That was why the morning of the garden party at Beckingridge Manor Irvine slipped away an hour before the agreed departure time. At least he tried to. He climbed into his car – a red and blue Cooper named Smiler – and gave himself a mental pat on the back that he would be at the Manor first.  

‘Leave it all to me. You just come and see me for payment, Mr Beckingridge. Do you want some personal clown lessons? I could teach you a few things for a moderate fee.’  

Irvine sure had it all worked out. He started the car and made to drive off when Val sat up from the back seat where he had stowed away.  

Irvine gave a cry of fright. “What the Hell are you doing back there!?”  

“I knew you’d do the dirty. I can’t even trust my own brother,” Val complained.  

“Why didn’t you just take the car?”  

“I was going to then I saw you coming so I hid in the back.”  

“Fine. Let’s just get out of here before we have to share with Felix too.”  

Clang! Something landed on the roof, or someone. Irvine slammed on the brakes and Felix popped his head down to the front passenger window. With a knife in hand he tapped it against the glass.  

TINK. TINK. TINK.  

“Let me in Irvine,” Felix demanded.  

“You’re too late,” Irvine replied.  

The youngest brother warned, “you’re going to have to bloody carry me all the way to Filton one way or another.”  

Irvine grinned as he put his foot to the floor. “Then I hope you have a good grip!”  

They sped off and Felix made the travel hanging on. Irvine assumed he would have shaken him off as they took the city bypass. Felix was determined though. Val opened his window when they reached the outskirts of Main. Felix reached in and grabbed him by the throat so he whacked him off and closed the window again.  

When they reached Beckingride manor Felix found himself with a head start when Irvine slammed on the breaks and Felix finally came flying off the car. He fell into a roll, back onto his feet and darted towards the manor gates. Irvine leapt like a gazelle close behind him. Irvine tackled Felix to the ground and Val gained the lead. The three tried to trip each other, hair was snatched, jackets were pulled off, knives prodded backsides, juggling pins were crashed over heads. The brothers shouldered each other and Val managed to be the one to ring the bell.  

A man in a finely tailored suit answered to them. “Can I help you gentlemen?” asked he. 

The clownish trio were busy trying to correct themselves and hold the others at bay. Irvine spoke on their behalf. “We’re the entertainment for the garden party,” he explained. “We’re the Stokers.”  

“Are you?” asked the greeter.  

Felix took note of the man. He wore a red cravat. His straggly, thinning grey hair had been combed. Even his bushy eyebrows had been tidied.  

“Hanz!?” 

“Old school, boys. Old school. This is a closed party. No riff raff allowed,” Hanz grinned and the door was slammed closed on them.  

We may ring in new years but some things are best to be remembered. Like, for instance, when a billionaire is hosting a garden party you can fight over who gets to be the entertainment or you can have lived long enough to know to go straight to the money man himself.  


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Character Profile: Eugene Morris aka The Tailor

Age: Unknown

Occupation: Funeral Director.

Features in: HARBOUR HOUSE ; THE BOSS

One might assume that the work of a funeral director in Coldford would never be done. The streets of the Shady City are perilous after all with violence, corruption and oneupmanship waiting around every corner. Eugene Morris doesn’t let that distract him though. His job isn’t a pleasant one but it must fall to the hands of someone. He finds himself in homes from the Shanties strips to the mansion houses of Filton. Death is equal in its pursuit.

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Eugene Morris aka The Tailor pays close attention.

He treats his clients with the utmost respect, courtesy and dignity. In return he expects nothing less for himself. No matter the name, BECKINGRIDGE, OWEN, DOYLE or FULLERTON, they all lie the same way on the Tailor’s table. Eugene pays no mind to disputes and squabbles rising around him. It is simply his job to clean up the mess and kiss the foreheads of those who would otherwise be forgotten about. No one would want him choosing sides anyway. When death favours, things get really messy.

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Not an easy job but someone has to do it.

He earned the title of The Tailor because of the attention to detail he places on his client’s final suit. Exceptionally talented at capturing the life of the deceased in how they are laid to rest, his skills as an actual tailor come in quite handy. He is whimsical in appearance, timeless and elegant. Eugene is a personable enough man, pleasant and kind but like the death which he serves no one really wants him to be knocking on their door.

Coming May 02 2020

Harbour House rehabilitation clinic brings together regrets, losses and life long bonds. If the program doesn’t work then there is always space on the Tailor’s table.

Click to preorder.

Oh, the horror!

One thing I find quite common in fans of horror like myself is we were exposed to the genre from an early age. For some this was an exciting experience. For others, myself included, it was – not to put too fine a point it – horrifying.

Poltergeist, IT (the original series with Tim Curry) and Child’s play were just some of the movies I saw when I was arguably way too young. I was always an imaginative child so the scenes these movies presented, as corny as they may be now, played on my mind and formed lifelong phobias. Those lifelong phobias, I just happened to turn into a career.

Lets start with Pennywise. Released in the early nineties I was still in primary school when I first saw it. What stuck out most to me was the vibrancy of Pennywise’s red hair. It stood out to me against the duller, New England backdrop. The colours made him more eyecatching, more threatening. Even as a youngster I never saw clowns as anything less than nightmre fuel.

Then there was Chucky. The doll possessed with the spirit of an evil man. Another red head. As an imaginative kid with little to no real friends toys, stuffed animals and dolls were my most treasured companions. To see what a doll was capable of doing, at least by movie standards, was horrifying.

Cut to several decades later and I find myself still lost in that imagination. I do still have treasured toys and dolls, Pennywise and Chucky being one of them. I also sport vibrant (yes you guessed it) red hair. I knew there were some correlations between how my approach to creativity was shaped by these old horror movies as a child. However, it wasn’t until I started to write this blog I began to realise just how much.

The villainy, the vibrancy, the outldandish plots and the reactions from viewers were something that became embedded in my ambition. I came to enjoy writing material that made a reader shriek, gasp or become unsettled. I could have written happy little stories with lovely endings. I ask though, were would be the fun in that!?


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The Grand Stage: Central Theatre

Location: City Main

Features in: MAESTRO ; KNOCK KNOCK ; ERROR 65 ; PURPLE RIBBON

Also known as the Le Grande, Central Theatre is the largest and most respected theatre in the city. With productions of the most popular plays to the annual carol concert from St Alban’s choir, the stage at Central has seen it all.

Famed actors such as VERA BERGMAN and LAURENCE DU BOIS have trod the boards there. It also hosts royal guests regularly. Queen Rita of Penn and Main was a well known patron carrying a long held tradition of the ladies in her lineage. Members of the Chamberlain crown have also been known to frequent.

Like most places in Coldford, there are stories to tell behind the scenes. The theatre is owned by the Towsely family. It has been in their hands since the industrial age. They procure the finest talent, the finest productions and when the lights go down and the curtains fall, legendary orgies.


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EH!

In my younger years I had the pleasure of seeing a lot of live music in my adopted home of Dundee. After a fifteen-year hiatus I paid a visit to the old venue known as ‘The Doghouse’. It was like nothing had changed. There were the same thrills. It was like no time had passed at all.

Before I get to that, first I’d like to mention Lexi Campbell, an amazing individual who I never had the pleasure of meeting. With their passing, a legacy of music behind. Mental health issues are something that can affect all of us, so Lexi’s family and friends made it a mission to raise awareness, supporting some amazing charities at the same time. The Lexfest event was something to be proud of. It was what drew us all back together after such a long time and I was glad to be able to enjoy the music that was provided.

Returning to my own experiences, fifteen years ago, on the music scene was an amazing band called EH! Their unapologetic presence on stage made them a standout. Ian, Sean, Paul and Andy had an excellent mash of indie and classic rock sounds. They had a vibe that was always captivating.

Image Credit: Tracey Stewart Thompson

That was then. In more recent times, things had gone quiet. People mature. Priorities change. Life gets in the way. Then recently word got out that they would be coming back together in support of Lexfest and some wonderful causes. Fifteen years is a long time. Many rehearsals would have to take place to see what still worked. Would they even be able to mesh again? Would it be the same with so many changes on the scene?

During the weeks prior to the gig, I found myself waking up most mornings humming the tunes like I did back then. I was excited to see it all again. I just couldn’t wait to recapture those moments.

The boys took to the stage after the long absence. I took a spot front and centre in the audience. The drums, the bass, the guitars and the bold vocals erupted. It was like they had returned home. They were exactly where they belonged. I had my young niece in my company, and even the younger generation found themselves absorbed.

The music was incredible. They even introduced a new song, ‘Money don’t grow on trees’, which rang with poetry and held such power in the soft melody. I decided there and then it was my new favourite.

I know there were nerves all round within the band. They needn’t have fretted. Music touches the soul in a way nothing else does. It’s never gone. It is an entity that has tremendous power. It reunited us with old friends (missed you so much, Tracey!). It brought us together after all those years. As Ian would say, we formed a ‘wee community’.

I saw the good it did for Paul to get back to those drums again. Andy, you strive for perfection on that bass, and that’s the name of the game. From a fan though, I don’t think you realise how talented you are. Sean, I’ve never known anyone personally who can handle the guitar the way you do. It never ceases to amaze me. Finally, Iain, I missed your poetic spirit. You have an affectionate confidence that most of us can only aspire to.

It was great seeing EH! back on stage again. I look forward to gathering for the love of music all over again!


Main Image credit: Kirsten Connelly

For more information on Lexi:

https://www.thecourier.co.uk/fp/opinion/3212120/amie-flett-lexi-campbell-legacy/

My Mistake

There are so many platitudes that can start this off.

“We all make mistakes.”

My favourite is:

“To never make mistakes is to never learn.”

We’re only human at the end of the day. I wanted to take a look at those platitudes and consider the mistakes I’ve made in my own life. Some have been silly, others have had much more dire consequences.

I’m a clumsy mess some days. I’m a mixed bag of efficient, logical thinking and ham-handed to the point of sitcom humour. I can also be scatterbrained and yet suprisingly strong for my stature. With that kind of make up, mistakes are inevitable.

I’m not just talking about knocking the coffee mug off the counter. I’m talking about mistakes that run a little deeper. Trusting the wrong person, refusing to take care of yourself properly or even taking an easier route out of a sticky situation that makes matters worse. I think we’re all guilty of those in our lives. If you haven’t been, then I wish you the best and may that never come to you.

I was asking myself, just the other day, what the biggest mistake I ever made was. I was unable to pick one. We lose count of the amount of times we have gone wrong in life. The thing about mistakes is even if they seem so daunting at the time, upon reflection they are so much easier to wrap your head around. Yes, you may have trusted the wrong person. That person isn’t in your life anymore. They now stand as a memory. You drank too much, ate to much of the wrong food. You maybe even took substances you knew you shouldn’t. If you’re realising this now, then that means the mistake has been made and you have time to heal. You chose the easy way out. Maybe you left a friend in the lurch to protect your yourself. Maybe guilt even eats at you as you think about it. That guilt, is a sign of learning. You know it was a mistake.

Mistakes truly are something we can all learn from. None of us are the same person we were even just a month ago. We are always growing, learning, making mistakes and recovering. The most beautiful thing about the human spirit is it’s capacity for adapting. We can and always will do better. Make no mistake about that!


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Three Ring Circus

“Alright everyone, listen up!” Irvine Stoker, ringmaster of Stoker Circus called to his troupe who had gathered inside their Big Top tent set up in Allford, just outside their carnival. “It’s that time of year again. The best time of the year. It’s garden party season and that means billionaire bunce! First up we have Beckingridge Manor. We just need a small troupe so who’s going to make the cut?”

His brother’s, Valdrick and Felix were on either side of him. Felix seemed to be making his own assessments and completely disregarding anything his brother was saying. Val was wondering how it came to be that Irvine was making the calls when he was the eldest and it was rightfully his place. Irvine scrutinised his performers closely.

“Word is, Ernie Beckingridge loves clowns so Olga and Cyril, you guys are in.”

“Yey!” Olga and Cyril clutched each other and leapt up and down with excitement.

Continuing to pick his crew Irvine said, “we need a good headlining act. We need a real showstopper. We need something people are going to really want to throw bunce at.”

The trapeezy easy’s, Errol and Ethel, stood side by side, an arm around each other’s shoulders, with expectant looks on their faces. They had been headlining Stoker acts for a while, they were real Big Top sensations.

“Easys?” said Irivine.

“Yeah …” they grinned.

“You’re out.”

Their expressions fell. “What? Why?”

Irvine folded their arms and raised his eyebrows. “Because you’re always up there, swinging around, showing off. Quite frankly you make the rest of us look bad. Until you’re ready to be team players you’re out.”

Val took over. “Besides. We heard you’ve been taking sponsorships elsewhere.”

Both Easys scowled and lowered their heads.  

Irvine was pulled back as Gretel climbed up his back. He threw her from his shoulder, landing her on the Big Top floor with a hiss.

“Not you, Gretel. We will not be taking any freaks. George Beckingridge is freak enough. That means you’re out too Heidi.”

Lizard woman Heidi, who also happened to be Irvine’s wife rasped her fork tongue at him causing him to step back and push Val forward.  

“You’re doing it all wrong!” cried an old man in a wheelchair watching on.

Irvine rolled his eyes. Felix was still focused on his own plans.

It was Val that called back. “No one asked you, Hanz.”

Hanz Stoker grumbled something under his breath, adjusting the blanket over his lap. The only reason he had come down to Allford was because he knew it was garden party season and he suddenly felt the need to spend some time with his family. The nurses obliged. His nephews dismissed him so he continued to observe.

Felix finally spoke up, “what about some animal acts? The animal acts are great for garden parties.”

Both Irvine and Val looked to their little brother.

“We have lion tamer without a lion, the doves were put into the hat last year and they haven’t been seen since and the donkeys completely refuse to do dressage,” explained Irvine impatiently.

“Then we get proper dressage horses,” was Felix’s suggestion.

Val looked at him like he had spoken a different language. Irvine looked like he wanted to slap him.  

“Are you going to talk to the Stanis and get us some of those golden horses? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to pinch from a bloody Stani? You want to try and steal a golden horse from under them, grow up Felix,” Irvine griped.

Felix shook his head. Then he gave it some more thought. “Why are you the one making the decisions when Val is the eldest?”

Val turned to Irvine. “That’s a good point. Who put you in charge?”

Never one to be backed into a corner, Irvine looked between his brothers and said, “because, Adrien, our dear father, said to me, he said, ‘Irvine, my most goodest boy. When I’m gone all of this will be yours’ he was indicating the circus. ‘I want you to take charge of everything. Valdrick doesn’t have the head for it and Felix just drools a lot – you were a baby at the time. That’s what he said.”

“No he didn’t!” Hanz called from his wheelchair.

Irvine turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “Aren’t you just full of opinions no one asked for.”

“Adrien did not say that,” Hanz maintained.

“And that’s your opinion.”

“I’ll take the headlining spot,” Felix stated with confidence. “My act always goes down well.”

“Knives? Throwing knives at Beckingridge manor with Elizabeth around?” Val put to him. “Actually that might not be such a bad idea. Elizabeth gets a knife to the skull one of the other Beckingridges are bound to give us a huge tip.”

“Good point,” Irvine agreed. “You do have some good ideas every now and again Val.”

“That’s not a good idea,” the youngest brother corrected.

Irvine placed his hands on his hips and stuck his chin out. “I know your game. You are just trying to push us out. Can you believe that Val? Our own brother is trying to push us out.”

Maintaining eye contact with Irvine, Felix said, “we could use a juggling act too. those are always great for garden parties.”

Val beamed. He wrapped an arm around Felix. Now the both of them were assessing Irvine. Irvine was aghast. “Fine! Fine! You want to play favourites? Then let’s play favourites.”

“You’re doing it all wrong!” Hanz called from his wheelchair again. “The Beckingridges are old money. If you want to impress them you need a an old school act.”

“Is that you then Hanz?” Val asked, his tones dripping with sarcasm. “You can barely walk the length of yourself and you expect to climb up on your stilts?”

Hanz grumbled again and waved them off with a sneer.

“We can use juggling, knives and whatever it is that Irvine does,” Felix suggested. “We split the takings between us. If we do a good job we can make enough off the Beckingridge’s to see us through the winter.”

“Share?” Val and Irvine asked together. Irvine felt a little bile in the throat at the idea. Then they hesitantly agreed.

“Sure, Felix. We’ll share.”

Neither had any intention of sharing which I’m sure you can gather by now, dear readers. That was why the morning of the garden party at Beckingridge Manor Irvine slipped away an hour before the agreed departure time. At least he tried to. He climbed into his car – a red and blue Cooper named Smiler – and gave himself a mental pat on the back that he would be at the Manor first.

‘Leave it all to me. You just come and see me for payment, Mr Beckingridge. Do you want some personal clown lessons? I could teach you a few things for a moderate fee.’

Irvine sure had it all worked out. He started the car and made to drive off when Val sat up from the back seat where he had stowed away.

Irvine gave a cry of fright. “What the Hell are you doing back there!?”

“I knew you’d do the dirty. I can’t even trust my own brother,” Val complained.

“Why didn’t you just take the car?”

“I was going to then I saw you coming so I hid in the back.”

“Fine. Let’s just get out of here before we have to share with Felix too.”

Clang! Something landed on the roof, or someone. Irvine slammed on the brakes and Felix popped his head down to the front passenger window. With a knife in hand he tapped it against the glass.

TINK. TINK. TINK.

“Let me in Irvine,” Felix demanded.

“You’re too late,” Irvine replied.

The youngest brother warned, “you’re going to have to bloody carry me all the way to Filton one way or another.”

Irvine grinned as he put his foot to the floor. “Then I hope you have a good grip!”

They sped off and Felix made the travel hanging on. Irvine assumed he would have shaken him off as they took the city bypass. Felix was determined though. Val opened his window when they reached the outskirts of Main. Felix reached in and grabbed him by the throat so he whacked him off and closed the window again.

When they reached Beckingride manor Felix found himself with a head start when Irvine slammed on the breaks and Felix finally came flying off the car. He fell into a roll, back onto his feet and darted towards the manor gates. Irvine leapt like a gazelle close behind him. Irvine tackled Felix to the ground and Val gained the lead. The three tried to trip each other, hair was snatched, jackets were pulled off, knives prodded backsides, juggling pins were crashed over heads. The brothers shouldered each other and Val managed to be the one to ring the bell.

A man in a finely tailored suit answered to them. “Can I help you gentlemen?” asked he.

The clownish trio were busy trying to correct themselves and hold the others at bay. Irvine spoke on their behalf. “We’re the entertainment for the garden party,” he explained. “We’re the Stokers.”

“Are you?” asked the greeter.

Felix took note of the man. He wore a red cravat. His straggly, thinning grey hair had been combed. Even his bushy eyebrows had been tidied.

“Hanz!?”

“Old school, boys. Old school. This is a closed party. No riff raff allowed,” Hanz grinned and the door was slammed closed on them.

We may ring in new years but some things are best to be remembered. Like, for instance, when a billionaire is hosting a garden party you can fight over who gets to be the entertainment or you can have lived long enough to know to go straight to the money man himself.


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