Category Archives: Vivika’s Musings

Vivika's Musings

Children can be Cruel

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I have heard this phrase many times. Most of the time its a condemnation of the behaviour of a few kids but sometimes it seems like an excuse. Yes children can be cruel to each other but does that mean we should accept it? Children are learning a lot of things for the first time. They are flooded with new sights, sounds and experiences. It can be scary. Some of them react to this out of fear of the unknown. I think most people experienced bullying as a child. Perhaps something about you was different. Maybe you weren’t wearing the proper attire. Whatever it was you may have heard it dismissed as ‘part of growing up’. I bet it didn’t comfort you much then though.

In my humble opinion the problem lies with focus being placed on a child’s academic pursuits. More focus is put into grading and lessons and these are important but maybe we should be looking to developing a child’s manners and social skills. There have always been bullies. There always will be bullies but taking the time on a child’s personal development could go some way to breaking this cycle. As a child I had my moments of cruelty towards others too. It’s not something I am proud of and as I grew older I realised that just how wrong it was. I make a point of treating everyone I meet with respect but I can’t help but think that this was a lesson that I should have learned sooner. My parents taught me manners, my teachers taught me respect but even with that bullies taught me to lash out. What are your thoughts?

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Vivika's Musings

Bullying

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Firstly, what is a bully? To me a bully is someone who deliberately targets those they deem weaker than themselves to give a sense of empowerment. In my experience – from the play grounds to the work place – a bully is masking insecurities of their own and looking for a target to vent their frustrations.

It was always understood to be a childhood ailment like the chickenpox. ‘Every child goes through a bit of teasing’ it is said. Is that dismissal good enough? Is a child coming home after having suffered a day of physical and mental torment simply a rite of passage? It shouldn’t be. Children can be cruel to each other, especially teenagers. At a time of life where they are at their most vulnerable and most insecure is when these bullies tend to surface (being vulnerable and insecure teens themselves). So who is to blame for this distinctly inhumane way of behaving? After all, no child is born bad. Television, magazines and mass media not only fuel these insecurities by displaying glossed over images of what they should aspire to be but they also make violent images and videos more accessible. This is likely to be a contributing factor but I don’t think it is wholly responsible. After all, bullying has been present in our society long before the age of social media.   The home life of the child can also be a huge influence on how they behave with their peers. If bullying is witnessed at home it will follow them into the rest of their lives. This isn’t always the case either. I have met many children from difficult backgrounds and they still approach life with the most pleasant natures. The issue of bullying isn’t something that one solitary person/scenario can be blamed for. It is a problem which we as a society need to take collective responsibility for. Some where along the line the younger generation have been given the impression that it is okay to treat those ‘weaker’ or ‘different’ with hostility.This isn’t a new phenomena. Bullying has been around since society was first established. An alpha instinct is deeply embedded within our psyche but as civilised people we should be moving past that.

Bullying doesn’t stop in child hood. It is becoming evident that more and more adults are experiencing bullying in the work place. Let’s be clear… This means that grown men and women are subjecting colleagues to taunts, slurs and sometimes even physical abuse. Someone once said to me, “I’d rather be the bully than the victim.” This was a man in his twenties.

I have always had a special resentment against bullies. It is likely to come across in this article. Having been the victim of taunting because I was a ‘different’ child and because I would rather read than spend time with my classmates. The advice I received at the time was to make myself more like the other children my age. That was not helping. I am thankful that it made me a stronger adult for others this doesn’t ring true.

The problem with bullying is that it becomes more acceptable by people dismissing it as ‘a way of life’ or in adulthood by making the victim feel like they have done wrong by not ‘taking it’.

To quote a much beloved character penned by writer and friend Leo St Paul, ‘Bullying is the worst kind of cowardice’  I wholeheartedly agree.

Image courtesy of endbullying.org.uk

Vivika's Musings

The Strongest Raise Others Up

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The other day In town and passing some time at a local coffee shop. From a nearby store came an older woman with a small child of toddler age. The woman – obviously the little girl’s gran – was busy trying to usher the child on. The toddler was having none of it. At first it began with a whining complaint. When the gran continued to try and usher her on the whining complaint became a louder cry. As the gran tried to reach out the child the cry finally became a full throated scream.

The wayward toddler screamed as best she could. She cried and gripped onto the railings and refused to move. With the noise the little girl was making as her tantrum erupted those surrounding began to crane their necks. Most shook their heads with disapproval (including myself and my coffee companion).

The poor gran was embarrassed at the scene the child was making. Each time she tried to reach out to the toddler it just made matters worse. Then the most miraculous thing happened. Out of the blue a woman approached the gran and helped her put the toddler back into her buggy. She communicated with the little girl and even made her laugh. Immediately the tantrum dissolved. I have never seen such relief as that that was on the face of the struggling gran. The toddler was calmed and they could continue about their business. The gran thanked the woman profusely. She was a stranger to them but with such a simple act she had given so much.

For the rest of the day I was angry with myself. I was angry because rather than becoming frustrated at having to listen to the screams of a toddler I could have helped much like that woman did. Toddlers throw tantrums, that much is obvious. There could be a great many reasons why that little boy or girl is upset and it isn’t always because they are not getting their own way. Imagine what life would be like if more people thought like that woman how helped. Rather than grumping and groaning at the failings of others take the time to raise others up. This doesn’t just apply to child care. It is relevant in many aspects of life. Don’t sit back and watch others struggle. Be an enabler. This is definitely something I want to do more of.

To that woman who helped a stranger – you are a star madam and an inspiration!

Vivika Widow is the author of various thriller and fantasy horror books.

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Vivika's Musings

Talking about my generation

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‘We weren’t like that’ is something I’m sure every generation grumbles about the one coming after them. I hear my fellow generation Xers despair about the millennials and how disconnected they are from the world. If it is true what we read we can assume them to be whiny, incapable of looking after themselves and completely unprepared for the harsh realities of life. If could be just that I’m on the wrong side of thirty and my fellows like to have something to moan about. The fashions, the television shows and the obsession with Ed Sheeran (as good a musician as I’m sure he is) are all strange to the genX. Then again, the Spice Girls, gladiators and skousers (skirt trousers) certainly raised a few eyebrows in the 90s and early noughties so who are we to judge?

Is it just a generational thing or is there a lack of understanding in the millennials? I don’t think so.

The millennials get a lot of stick in the media but I for one can see the amazing changes they are bringing to the world. My eldest niece (a millennial) defies what the media has to say about her generation. She is a confident, well educated and independent young woman who has just started her own business and is thriving. Like many of her peers she is ready to take the world on.

Despite the man buns and snap chat second life our millennials are up and coming and sure to do great things for our world. They will always fight for social justice. They work hard despite educations costs rising and getting on the property ladder is more difficult. So to you millennials, your ways seem strange to us but you will change the world for the better. Your contributions are invaluable.

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Vivika's Musings

Combating the Negativity

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Being a writer can be a dream come true for most people. For many it can also be a nightmare. The very nature of the craft means that we are baring ourselves to public scrutiny and it won’t always be good. For some, this just comes as part of what to expect. However, it worries me that there are up and coming authors who have exciting, vibrant and much loved stories but the badgering they receive before they have even left the ground has put them off. There is nothing more tragic than a story that will never be told.

It does take a very thick skin to succeed as a writer but what chance do up and coming authors have when they are shot down at first attempt? All I can say to my fellow writers who are starting out is don’t give up. Don’t let the negativity of others stop you. There will be readers who don’t like your book – that is unfortunate but all art forms are subjective. There will always be people who are just deliberately going out their way to be mean. The new digital age seems to have given them a platform to vent their poison to a wider audience. It is easier said than done but ignore them and let your writing speak for itself.

It’s a very true statement that an author can have one hundred great reviews but it is that one nasty one that will resonate with them. It is also true that people are more likely to be spurred into action (in this case writing a review) if they are feeling bad about it. How can you combat that? Trust in your own skill. Trust that you have written the book that you wanted to write. The rest will fall into place.

One thing that is also very upsetting to see is that authors (of various levels) are putting other authors down. The life is hard and alienating enough without us turning on each other. Why do that? Jealousy is the easy conclusion. They don’t like that someone else has written a book. There is no need to be jealous. The world is such a big place. There are so many different stories to tell and different ways of telling it. There is plenty of room in this world for all of us.

Support your authors. We are a large community but if you embrace it I’m sure you will see we are also a very loving one.

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Vivika's Musings

Is your neighbour a monster? SURVIVAL HINTS AND TIPS

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Popular media would have us assume that around 80% of the population are either a werewolf, vampire, ghost or zombie.

Statistically you are more likely to be living next door to a centuries old vampire than you are to a non horror fiction writer. That sounds like pretty damning evidence to me so how do we combat this? Well here are a few tips that I have found quite effective:

VAMPIRES

Ah the blood sucking, immortal creatures that have been the subject of many different books and shows. In the elder days it was the young engaged couples travelling alone who really had to bother with this but thanks to the exploits of Dr Van Helsing, that variety of carnivorous fiend seems to be long gone. His little helper Igor chewing away on flies all by himself and disappearing back into the pages of Bram Stokers novel, mumbling about simpler times when a vampire master was in need of a lackey.

Nowadays, it is with the young teen girls that we have to concern ourselves. Just when father’s across the globe had enough to worry about their daughter dating now there is this inexplicable influx of young heart throb vampires keen on the young girls (who only look their own age). So parents, lock your doors and bar your windows because that pale faced yet handsome little blighter, who moved next door and is only seen at night, may just be planning on making your daughter his eternal companion.

TIP: Invite them for a dinner laced with garlic. Not Christian? Doesn’t matter, get those crosses up!

WEREWOLVES

Many cultures around the world have their own legend of the werewolf but we can get down to brass taxes and assume that we have adopted the Germanic folklore.

In a time when all one had to do was stay out of the woods on a full moon to avoid werewolves, the half man and half dog could co exist quite peacefully (providing the predator was well fed on deer and elks).

Nowadays, for three nights a month the rampant calling of werewolves can be heard from the city streets to the moors of England. Like the vampires the new breed of werewolf seems to have adopted a more boy band styled approach to his daily life. They may seem pleasant on the surface (a German Shepard dog can be too until it rips your face off) but they are essentially dangerous creatures, at least whilst the moon is high and fat.

If your neighbour disappears for three nights a month or if you hear strange calling from their home it may very well be that they are a werewolf. This also means that a vampire could be lurking nearby because apparently after a tumultuous courtship the two now get on famously and there can’t be one without the other.

TIP: Stock up on those silver bullets! (and a gun to shoot them would be helpful).

GHOSTS

Okay so these particular neighbours tend to be more nuisance house guests but all the more reason to be prepared for them.

If you pass a little girl in eighteenth or nineteen century dress on your way to the bathroom during the night, then it may very well be your house is infested with ghosts. Most people make the mistake of calling the priest in for an emergency exorcism but going by past experience that just makes them mad. So unless they are rattling their chains and keeping you up all night or unless they continue throwing tantrums or playing peek a boo to the point of distraction just leave them be. They won’t really take up much room and its not like they’ll eat you out of house and home.

Ghosts are nothing if not consistent. They seem to enjoy old fashioned costuming and that has changed very little over the years. You are still more likely to find a spirit of a Victorian Chambermaid than you are of Mrs. Prettin down the road who died just last week aged 92. Little kid ghosts can be the worst, especially if you have kids yourself. They will roll bright red balls up and down your corridors, sing creepy lullabies and follow you into every room.

TIP: If they are being a true nuisance the best thing is to just accept defeat and move. That is what many people have to do.

ZOMBIES

The end of time has been predicted by thousands of philosophers and holy men. The Mayans had their views. Nostradamus was certain of it. However, for some reason we seem to be at a huge risk of a zombie apocalypse. Maybe its all the nuclear material being passed around like a kids party or maybe its just that viruses are onto us. If it is a slipshod scientist dropping a vial in a laboratory or its a nuclear attack one thing will be certain… supplies will run out, all men will become gun toting action heroes and all women will be scantily clad and unable to function without said action hero (there are a few exceptions of course).

So if there is a rise in the brain eating mutant beings it is likely you will be at most danger from your closest neighbour. Perhaps that is where it all began … Patient 0 if you will. To ensure you are effectively protected make sure your doors are closed over (zombies can’t function door knobs) and secure yourself in an upstairs room (zombies have trouble with stairs too).

To prevent this you may want to keep a close eye on your neighbour. Do you see him/her scuttling about in a white lab coat at all hours of the night? Do you see strange packages being delivered at all hours of the day? if so there is a chance that you have a mad scientist in your midst and the chances are he already has a pet zombie.

TIP: Aim for the head.

MUMMY

Only really relevant if you live in Egypt, or close to a museum but lets face it these creatures have had centuries to wake up so its safe to say that they are in no hurry.

TIP: Learn to read Hieroglyphics.

So there you have it, my darlings. Those are my tips on what to do if your neighbour is a monster.

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